FYMF NEWS EXCLUSIVE
Hosted by Woodrow H. Slim
“Mind Your MF Business”
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, citizens, breakfast enthusiasts, and people currently banned from at least one Waffle House location.
Tonight on FYMF News…
We investigate the man…
the myth…
the breakfast felon himself…
“Chef Manifestation.”
That’s right.
A Jackson, Mississippi man allegedly walked into a Waffle House kitchen…
WITHOUT being hired…
WITHOUT paperwork…
WITHOUT orientation…
and apparently WITH enough confidence to run the grill for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS.
Now let me say this clearly:
This is not a criminal investigation…
this is a leadership seminar.
Joining us tonight is the man at the center of the buttery controversy…
Mr. Terrence Coleman.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
Mr. Coleman…
first question everybody wants to know…
HOW did you get the job without getting hired?
⸻
TERRENCE COLEMAN:
Woodrow…
I never said I worked there.
I just started helping.
One dude looked stressed.
I saw bacon burning.
I stepped into my purpose.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
So you’re telling me…
you manifested employment?
⸻
TERRENCE COLEMAN:
Exactly.
See…
most people apply online.
I applied spiritually.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
Sources say you referred to eggs as “morning meat.”
Can you explain that to the American people?
⸻
TERRENCE COLEMAN:
That’s exactly what eggs are, Woodrow.
People scared of truth.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
Mmm.
Disturbing…
but somehow inspirational.
Now witnesses claim you screamed “HEAL UP!” every time a plate left the kitchen.
What was the purpose behind that?
⸻
TERRENCE COLEMAN:
Food carries energy.
I wasn’t just cooking breakfast…
I was restoring the community.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
One customer said your Texas bacon cheesesteak melt changed his outlook on life.
Another said you stared into the grill and whispered:
“You not finna beat me today.”
Was the grill your enemy?
⸻
TERRENCE COLEMAN:
Not enemy.
Competition.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
Authorities say management finally became suspicious after you attempted to baptize a waffle in melted butter and called it:
“Southern crème brûlée.”
Do you regret your actions?
⸻
TERRENCE COLEMAN:
Regret?
Woodrow…
people fear innovation.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
Ladies and gentlemen…
this may be the greatest unemployed employee in American history.
Now social media has given you the nickname:
“Chef Manifestation.”
How do you feel about that title?
⸻
TERRENCE COLEMAN:
I accept it humbly.
And if Waffle House listening…
my schedule still open.
⸻
WOODROW H. SLIM:
There you have it America.
A man who proved confidence can take you farther than Human Resources ever will.
This has been another FYMF News Investigation.
Remember…
sometimes the system fails…
and sometimes a man just walks into a kitchen with aggressive breakfast energy and changes history.
I’m Woodrow H. Slim.
And until next time…
Mind Your MF Business.
No comments:
Post a Comment